You know a movie is in trouble when a trip to the theater restroom is more interesting than the actual show on the screen….

Sucker Punch…should have been a no brainer. Get five atteactive young women, dress in scantily clad pseudo-warrior/sailor girl outfits. Given big gins and bigger swords and plenty of beasts and baddies to shoot and slash. throw in a gothy soundtrack over the carnage. shake, stir, watch the fanboys trundle in with dollars in hand.

It’s a winning formula…which completely failed in this case. Wiser heads than mine will be able to dissect this stillborn embarrassment far better than I can. But three thoughts come to mind:

1: The girl playing the lead (Emily Browning) deserves an Oscar for her portrayal as a blank, personality-less android in a faux Japanese school girl outfit, which as a side note should induce large amounts of shame in any male over the age of thirty watching it. Really nailed that role, kid.

2: I’ve been through Brattleboro, Vermont. It’s nowhere near that depressing, though boring and overrun by aging hippies, like most of Vermont these days….(honestly, if they did end up seceding from the Union, would anyone really notice?)

3: Blood and guts, gratuitous T&A, and eye-popping special effects are no substitute for things like plot, character development, or a coherent story.

Here’s a post from Annalee Newitz on io9 that pretty much says it all….